Dear DeviantArt,

I've been inactive for awhile, and to tell the truth I just haven't been able to get the guts to sign on here.  As I type this I can't help but feel a fair bit of anxiety.

I want those who are waiting for commissions from me to know I haven't forgotten about them.  There are no excuses for my lateness at this point, but I promise you they're still being worked on.

I haven't had proper internet access since July.  I moved into an apartment and I'm actually writing this from my phone of all things.  My free time has been consumed outside of work by chores and all.

I guess another reason I've been afraid to come back to DA is because a lot of people are angry with me.  I daresay they probably hate me, and likely have me blocked on here.  Maybe it makes me some form of a masochist, but despite it all I miss them all even if they loathe me.  They probably have every right to..  I just wish I hadn't hurt the ones I care so much about on here, and that maybe one day they may look at me in a better light.

Perhaps even,  they may have wished ill will toward me..  you know, the old golden rule;  Do unto others and such..
Back in July, someone important to me in the family, my aunt Rory, got into an accident during a storm.  A tree branch that was airborne broke through her windshield and struck her through one eye.  Against so many odds, she survived and fought with us all at her side..  but things went downhill last month and all we could do was watch her die without pain thanks to morphine.  It still feels like we'll all be gathering at her house for the yearly Christmas party.. That she'll be there, waiting and smiling and laughing.  She was one of the most amazing, inspiring and optimistic women. I had the honor of be raised by and related to.  Now that she's gone, my family is undoubtedly broken beyond repair without her strength there to bing us together.

I still haven't mourned..  I guess I don't know exactly how yet.  Don't get me wrong though, i'm not looking for sympathy or pity, probably just letting out my thoughts where personal matters shouldn't be spouted off atEither way, like I said before, to those who hate me now, there's a little of the karma that you may have been waiting for that slapped my real life across the face, so to speak.


...Either way,  I still miss you all terribly.  I've noticed a couple of you are going through tough times.  Sincerely, I wish the best to you and hope the obstacles in your lives are past you soon.

-Alicia